A whole new brand of lazy
Oct 14, 2005
I was going to go lookup the opposite the word lazy, so I could use it in my opening sentence, but alas, I just didn't have the energy. ;-) Anyway, I doubt many would claim that I was hyper-energetic. I definately lean towards the lazy side. However, it is now clear that I merely lean towards lazy while others have learned to fully embrace it.
The clarity is provided in these bad boys. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with the crust already removed... available in your frozen food section. Wow.
On one hand, I am a bit horrified that such a product exists. On the other hand, you gotta hand it to both Smucker's, and the incredibly lazy people who eat these. Hand it to the lazys for sticking to their guns and striving to be as little as they can be. Hand it to Smucher's for having full faith in Americans to be too lazy to dirty a knife, yet patient enough to wait for their pb&j to defrost.
One Year of Brendan
Sep 26, 2005
I will attempt to reflect on one year of life with Brendan (this Thursday is his first birthday), but first a brief update on what's new with him. He is definately flirting with the idea of walking. He loves to pull himself up on things and walk around them while holding on. As far as roaming the open range (of the carpet), we have seen him taking about 3.5 steps max, before taking a tumble. Definately getting there. Scary.
He still likes to do a high pitched, bird-like, scream that can really crawl up under my skin and camp there. 'nuff said about that :) Thankfully, he also enjoys random babble, which is a lot more fun. He says things like ma-ma-ma-ma and ba-ba-ba-ba, and definately ya-ya-ya. He is pretty good at the combo sounds too, like, ba-ma-mmm-ya. Rarely da-da-da, of course. I swear he knows that I want him to. I have only said da-da to him about 52,313 times. He *does* do a pretty sweet Satan impersonation though. He basically makes an mmmmm sounds, but it's more of a gutteral growling animal sound than a 'yummy' noise. Pretty scary really.
Play is typically on the aggressive side. Banging is high on his list of Favorite Things To Do. Have a spoon? Bang it on the table. Have a toy piano? True joy can only be realized through playing it loud and proud. Have a book? Well, give it a shake, see that it doesn't really make noise, then thoughtfully read it... upside down.
Looking back on the year...
- They were right, diapers are the least of your worries. All my friends with
kids assured me that if I thought diapers were the worst part that I was mentally
diminished. They were pretty much right. While I still avoid diapers in every
way I can think of, they aren't typically that bad. There are much, much harder
parts to having a kid of your very own:
- They require constant attention. Constant. I am pretty sure Leanne has simply reinforced her bladder since Brendan requires so much care that she doesn't get time to go. Sure, I can surf the web while holding him, if I don't mind him beating the hell out of my spacebar and screaming in my ear.
- They add a whole new set of chores. I am nearly world-famous lazy. And while we had a reasonable split of chores before Brendan, now we have to add feeding the boy, getting him ready for bed, bathing him, reading him books, generally watching/entertaining him, etc. Unsavory for lazy me, and unsavory for poor Leanne trying to get me off my duff.
- Babies change your relationship to your spouse. Maybe this has more to do with Brendan not sleeping much (and thus Leanne wanting to head to bed at like 8pm), but Leanne and I get a lot less time with just the two of us. And we certainly can't just run off to dinner and a movie when ever we feel like it. And, of course, the frequency of conversations involving poo is slightly above normal.
- Time flies by, they grow up too fast, and all similiar statements are true. Too true. Each stage lasts such a short time. One week he can't crawl at all. He can only move by rolling from belly to back to belly, etc. The week after... he can crawl, but only army man style. The week after, he is just cruising around on mach 5. Right now he can only take 3 steps at a time, but I am sure its only a few weeks till he is walking. It's insane. I can't believe it's already been a year. Seems like only yesterday, he has the most frightening cone head in history.
- I care way too much what other people think of him. Whenever Leanne goes somewhere with him, I invariably ask if people thought he was cute :) I, of course, think he is the cutest kid ever to talk like Satan, but I am convinced everyone else should think the same thing. The only upside to this is that it gives me a reason to enjoy the retirement community where Leanne's grandma lives. Brendan at a retirement community is surprisingly similiar to a super model in a high school (not that I have ever seen one, but I did spent a fair amount of my high school years dreaming about it). There are whispers, pointing, heads turning, smiling... and old people just generally going *crazy*. Apparently they are quite fond of babies.
- Brendan can be incredibly, incredibly cute. I have taken just about 4 thousand pictures (literally) since I bought my new camera (after Brendan's birth). The vast majority of those were taken because I thought Brendan was being cute. And that is just when he is *looking* cute... not when he is *being* cute. Hard to take a picture of him giving me a hug, which surprisingly, he does often (and it secretly makes me very melty). My favorite is when he reads the book that has a small mirror in them, and he tries to hug himself. It's super cute, but also makes me wonder... what is he thinking? "Wow, look at that poooor baby... he needs a hug" :)
The worst poker play... ever?
Sep 24, 2005
A better man would let this go by. A better man would not ridicule another man, to make himself feel better. A better man might not say a darn thing, but alas, I am not a better man.
After a hiatus, some friends finally got together to play some No Limit Texas Hold'em. As I remember it, I was playing fairly well... making some good reads of my fellow players, mostly on Noah.
Noah was being quite aggressive. Clearly stealing quite a few pots. If betting was checked around to Noah, one could almost guarentee a good size bet out of him. Which sets the stage for the hand in question.
I am in the big blind w/ J,8d. It's folded arount to Noah w/ the button, who limps. The small blind completes, I check, and we see a flop. 9, 9, 2. The blinds check to Noah, who.. quiet natually, throws out a big bet of 100. The small blind (Andy) has the same read as me, and says... "Anyone else smell the BS in the air?", but folds. But not me. I am all man. I know Noah's is bluffing, so I push the rest of my chips... All in. 475 chips.
Then the very most amazing thing happens. Noah calls. Noah calls because he doesn't believe me. He certainly doesn't think I have a 9, and he is right. His only problem is that even if I am bluffing, he can't beat it. He flips over his highly improbably cards... 7,8 offsuit. Even if I am bluffing (which, of course, I am...) Noah can't even *beat* a bluff.
Noah apparenly thinks I am holding 2 cards, that are both less than 8, no paired, and not a 2. I am way, way out ahead at this point, since an 8 doesn't help him (I have one too), and my jack is the highest card going. He needs to catch a 7, or the incredibly improbable 2 cards to make a straight out of current 7,8,9.
I would like to boldly claim... very boldy, that Noah has made the worst poker play in the history of poker. But, of course, the poker gods have a terrific sense of humor. And, naturally, if I had actually won the hand, I wouldn't bother writing about it. In reality, Noah catches him improbable straight, knocks me out of the tournement, and probably feels quite good about himself.
Remember that "better man" from the opening, that didn't say anything? Really, the wise man wouldn't say anything because he would want Noah to continue making horrible plays like this -- since in the long run, it will make the rest of us money. But, I still have a solid read on Noah, and I know he will keep playing :) In the long run, I have no fear that my money has only found a temporary home in Noah's wallet.
Updates on my Leg, and Brendan.
Sep 04, 2005
He's Back!
I have not been too inspired to write in the blog. I think partly it's because I like my blog entries to be amusing, and I haven't been finding the humor in things lately. Unfortunately for you, that hasn't changed :) Still, here is the update on what's been going on:
The Leg: As I am sure most of you know, I busted my leg up pretty good. It happened playing roller hockey -- involving a hide speed chase for a puck, a wall, and a strong lack of balance. I will skip the rest of the details, other than to say I do indeed feel more badass with titanium inside my tibia.
I saw my surgeon last week. I was pretty nervous heading to the appointment. Not about my leg mind you, its been feeling great. So great, that I had been partially walking on it for a few weeks. The nervousness had to do w/ the pain my wife would inflict if the doctor mentioned slow healing progress. So, the doctor throws the xrays up on the light tray, and the doctor is visibily pleased. I think she is about to pat herself on the back for such a swell job. And, naturally, I am relieved.
On the other hand, Leanne and I point out to the doctor that it looks "still broken". We figure she might not have noticed the big black areas on the xrays where there was no bone. She points out that "but look, you can hardly see the break from this angle". I was somewhat less comforted by this than she expected, knowing that... well, other angles showed a frightening lack of bone. But hey, she is the doctor, I limp out of there w/ my prescription for physical therapy and call it a day.
The Brendan: The relentless passage of time continues, even if I am not blogging. You have missed alot! :) Brendan is still growing up entirely too fast. Other parents assure me that its slows down a bit once they hit two, but for now, its insane. One week he can't crawl, the next he can only army man crawl, and by the week after you are gimping real fast on your crutches to keep up w/ him. (Okay, really, you are just pointing at him and hoping your able bodies wife notices, but you get the idea).
Just this week, he had several new accomplishments. Where before his world record time of standing on his own was 0.7 seconds, this week he decided to just stand in the middle of the room and play with a book for 30 seconds. We looked very confused and mildly frightened when he finally landed on his butt and there was an uproar of applause and "good boy!"s. He also understands a whopping 3 words this week, where I am pretty sure last week, it was zero. He knows the words "Clap", "Wave", and "Touch Down" (technically 2 words, but he hasn't gotten a handle on counting yet). We know he knows the words cuz he does them each on command now, which of course, we force him to do repeatedly.
Hopefully I will start writing more often, if not, catch you all in a few months.